Feelings Lost
by wolfgirlholo62
Summary: Kagome is hurting... badly. She feels unloved. What's she gonna do?


**The first part is a song fic with the song ****_If I Die Young_**** by the Band Perry.**

**I do not own The anime/manga, the song/artist, or any of the characters**

**Please R&R**

**Kagome's POV**

I'm done.

I know where he went. I saw him chasing after her. I saw the whole scene. He loves her. I know that. I can't take it anymore I'm done.

I walk slowly to the shore of the river. I am alone. They all think I came here to bathe, so I shouldn't be bothered.

I'm done.

**_If I die young_**

**_Bury me in satin_**

**_Lay me down on a, bed of roses_**

**_Sink me in the river, at dawn_**

**_Send me away with the words of a love song_**

I wonder if anybody would miss me if I died? Not him. Definitely not Kikyo. She'd be happy to see me go, I'm sure. Less competition. I understand that I'm not wanted by either of them. Who then, would miss me?

**_Lord make me a rainbow_**

**_I'll shine down on my mother_**

**_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colours_**

My mother would miss me, but that's only one person. I'm sure the rest of my family would too, but they're family. There expected to miss me. I'm alone. I'm tired of being lonely.

**_Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no_**

**_Ain't even gray but she buries her baby_**

I'd miss her, my mother. But it hurts right now. No, not hurting. More like a numbness that is rather uncomfortable. Like the world is distant, yet right in front of me. I can't survive this loneliness anymore. I take out a dagger that I keep with me in case of attacks. The people who I love, know that I love them. That should be good enough.

**_The sharp knife, of a short life_**

**_Well I've had, just enough time_**

I feel the blade and run my finger across the tip. A red liquid appeared on my finger. I looked at it, but felt nothing. My mind racing with all that has happened up until now, but still, I felt nothing. I'm assured that this won't hurt now. Not when I'm like this.

I shed one tear, but didn't notice it until it landed on the dagger. My reflection in the dagger is pretty, but ghostly. Like a pale rose on a grey day. I hope people love me, cherish me. But I can't wait any longer to find out.

**_If I die young_**

**_Bury me in satin_**

**_Lay me down on a, bed of roses_**

**_Sink me in the river, at dawn_**

**_Send me away with the words of a love song_**

**_The sharp knife, of a short life_**

**_Well I've had just enough time_**

I thought about where I would end up, when this deed if finally done. Maybe I'll make it up there in heaven. Maybe there, I'll be able to move on. I know I love InuYasha, and there were times when I thought, maybe he loves me. He's tried to kiss me before. He's tried to cheer me up. He values me, but he doesn't love me. He said he wouldn't abandon me ever. I thought he hinted at loving me with his actions and words sometimes. But the wait seems too long. He'd never tell me. Even if he loves me, it's not enough. This dagger, controlled by my hand, seems to be the only thing that I can be certain of. I know what would happen if I plunged it into my heart. The knowledge of knowing something for certainty comforted me.

**_And I'll be wearing white_**

**_When I come into your kingdom_**

**_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger_**

**_I've never known the loving of a man_**

**_But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand_**

**_There's a, boy here in town_**

**_Says he'll love me forever_**

**_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_**

**_The sharp knife, of a short life_**

**_Well, I've had just enough time_**

I look down at my cloths. My school uniform was covered in grass stains. There were many boys at my school who asked me out, but I turned them all down. My heart just couldn't love two people at the same time like I loved InuYasha.

"I am dead already." I spoke aloud for the first time in hours. It was true. A person is made up of their mind, body and soul. I am well aware that according to most people, these thoughts would mean I've lost my mind. My feelings of emptiness and lack of emotions hint that I'm already dead spiritually. All that's left is my body. Wouldn't that be considered a zombie? Just a body? And zombies are dead.

**_So put on your best boys_**

**_And I'll wear my pearls_**

**_What I never did is done_**

No one listens to me. My tears go unseen because of it. I can't tell most people of my problems because they sound ridiculous. I wouldn't be able to properly explain without sounding like I'm insane. Those who I can tell can't do anything about it. Even InuYasha couldn't. I understand that he can't control his feelings for Kikyo. And he has no self-restraint. I know people can tell when something is on my mind. But I won't tell them. There would be no point. I doubt I would be taken seriously.

**_A penny for my thoughts_**

**_Oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar_**

**_They're worth so much more_**

**_After I'm a goner_**

**_And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing_**

**_Funny when you're dead_**

**_How people start listening_**

I listen to the river. And I sing the chorus to a song that I love.

"**_If I die young_**

**_Bury me in satin_**

**_Lay me down on a, bed of roses_**

**_Sink me in the river, at dawn_**

**_Send me away with the words of a love song_**"

I place the dagger over my heart

**_Oh oh_**

**_The ballad of a dove_**

"InuYasha" I say, loving his name, and sad for the first time that I'll never get to say it again. Hopefully, where I'm going, I'll be able to forget. _Forget? No I don't want that._ I thought, _I want to remember, even if it is painful. I just want to happy again too._

**_Go with peace and love_**

Tears were now sliding noiselessly down my face. Taking a deep breath, and stopping my shaking hand, I wiped the tears away.

**_Gather up your tears_**

**_Keep 'em in your pocket_**

**_Save 'em for a time when you're really going to need 'em, oh_**

I look down once, and catch my reflection. I'm pale, losing colour as I watched. _Already dead._ I thought.

**_The sharp knife_**

**_Of a short life_**

**_Well, I've had_**

**_Just enough time_**

I push my hand down, and for the first time in a long while, I feel warmth running down my chest.

**_So put on your best boys_**

**_And I'll wear my pearls_**

* * *

Regular POV

InuYasha came rushing towards the smell of blood. Kagome's blood.

An attack? Surely not. There were no demons around. Or any sign of Naraku.

He had gone to see Kikyo. He went to tell her of his choice. He chose Kagome. He went to ask her if she would understand, that she would not interfere with them. She looked sad, and that broke his heart. But the reason he is so happy now, is not because of Kikyo, it is because of Kagome. He finally realized that.

"I promise, InuYasha," she said, and walked away silently, her soul collectors following just as silently.

He sighed, ears down in pity for her. He turned away when she was out of sight, back to where Kagome was. That's when he caught the scent of her blood in the air.

Running as fast as his feet could allow him, he followed the scent, expecting the worse. It led him away from their camp site. That worried him. So she was alone?

He was reaching the place where Kagome was, when he heard her voice, singing an unfamiliar song.

_"If I die young_

_Bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a, bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river, at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song"_

Just what is she doing? He ran faster.

He finally reached the river, and froze at the girl's actions. Dagger in hand, raised at her heart, she spoke his name.

She looked awfully pale. As he watched in shock, the tears escaped her beautiful, worn out eyes. She took a deep breath and wiped them away. Then the dagger started coming down.

"NO!" He yelled, grabbing her hand. He stopped the motion before it pierced her too deeply.

She looked at him, not truly seeing him or recognizing him.

"What the hell are you doing, woman?"He screamed, panicking, trying to reach her.

"InuYasha" she whispered with a small smile before passing out from blood loss.

He picked her up, bridal style, and hurried off to Kaede's.

Kagome was awake now. Kaede had healed her and she was wondering around. She tried to be alone, but InuYasha was always watching from the trees where he thought she couldn't see him.

"Come down InuYasha. I know you're there." She called when she reached that place near the river where she had attempted to take her own life.

There was a moments silence, then the soft sound of his feet hitting the earth.

"You knew I was following you?" He studied her face. Her colour was slightly better, but her eyes were still miserable. He longed to help her like she's helped him.

She ignored the question. Instead she asked, "why are you following me?"

Was she serious? He saw her plunge a dagger into her chest in a suicide attempt! Of course he was going to keep an eye on her.

"Kagome, I'm worried about you." He said. He walked up to her, softly and carefully, as if not to frighten her and gave her a light hug, but didn't let go.

"..."

"Why won't you say anything Kagome?" He pressed his nose against her hair to take in the scent of her living form. He had never been so afraid to lose anything more than this. The feeling of her breath against his neck, the smooth hands that griped on to his shirt, the eyelids that fluttered and were shut tight as she tried not to cry, all of it. Everything about her, he loved. He was terrified to say it now though, with the state she was in.

"I'm scared" came her small voice into his neck.

"It's okay, I'm here"

"That's why I'm scared"

He looked at her, confused now. She clinged on a little tighter. "I don't-"

"Forget it" and she tried to get away, but he held her fast.

"Why Kagome?" he held her closer.

"Because I'm really alone, aren't I?" she mumbled so silently that only his sensitive ears could have heard it. "You're here with me physically, but..." She tried to escape again.

But he was not going to let her go like this, "What? What did I do?"

She only shook her head.

"KAGOME!" he yelled and she flinched. He regretted it as she started to cry.

"I'm fine... just let me go... please..." she said between her chokes. But as much as it broke his heart he couldn't do as she asked, for her own good. So he held on tighter.

Now she was pumelling him trying to get him to let go, but he had no intention of leaving her alone. Not anymore.

She was silent for just a moment. "InuYasha..."

_She wouldn't_ he thought.

"...Sit_"_

He held on to her fast as he went down, forcing himself to fall in his back so she wouldn't get hurt.

It was quiet for a minute. Then she finally spoke, "but you're not wanting to be here with me are you? I know where you'd rather be. Who'd you rather be with. I'm scared because I'm going to fall for you deeper than I already have, and I know you won't return that love." She was limp. Then she moved her head and gave him a kiss on the lips. He was surprised, his eyes wide, staring at her. He was about to return the kiss when she pulled back and tried to roll off of him. He still hadn't let her go and he continued to hold her.

"I'm sorry..." she mouthed.

"He took her face in his hands. Brushing her hair out of her face, he kissed her. First softly, then hungrily. This time, she was surprised.

"InuYasha-" she said as he finally pulled away.

"You saw me go after Kikyo, didn't you?" I whispered in her ear.

She nodded slowly.

InuYasha sighed. Then kissed her softly one more time. "I love you Kagome. I was just giving Kikyo my choice. I chose you. I'll forever be there for you, just like I promised. I won't ever let you go. I love you."

"... You do?" she asked uncertainly.

"With all my heart and soul. You are my life. I always where."

"Thank you." She hugged him hard. "Thank you. Does this mean I'm not alone?"

"Yes. I'm here, and that's where I'll stay."

"How can I be sure that you won't run away again?" She said, only half-convinced.

_Just how much stress did I put on her with Kikyo to_ _make her this untrusting towards me?_ He felt guilty.

He sat her up on him, still holding her hand.

"Kagome..."

"...Yes InuYasha?"

"Will you marry me?"

She gasped. Next thing he knew, he was thrown backwards and her lips were once more against his.

At the end of the kiss came her simple response of "yes."

* * *

Kagome eventually regained her happy enthusiasm and InuYasha was always faithful towards her. They were truly happy together. Together, they had twins, a boy and a girl, each with their own little set of dog ears that were black with splashes of silver on the tips. They would fight, kiss and make-up and fight some more and make-up some more, but the fights were never serious, just they're old bickering and arguing. That's the way they liked it. It wasn't perfect to everybody, but to them, love didn't get any better than this.

**How many people thought Kagome was ging to die?**

**I wouldn't do that.**

**Anyway, hope you liked it. (Doesn't InuYasha just turn into a sweer heart!)**

**Please R&R**


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